Shame / feeling like a burden
Introduction
Stop shame about brain injury! It is time for understanding.
Feelings of shame surrounding brain injury may do more harm than good.
They cause people to withdraw, seek less help and isolate themselves unnecessarily.
Brain injury is not the fault of the person affected and should never be a reason to feel inferior. Openness and acceptance are crucial, not only for your mental well-being but also for receiving understanding and support from others.
No one should feel ashamed of oneself about something that happened against one's will. Together we can break down the taboos and create an environment where everyone feels heard and supported.
Loss of self-confidence, feeling like a burden, shame...
A brain injury may have a profound impact on your life, both physically and emotionally. Many people struggle with self-ashamedness after sustaining a brain injury. This may involve the loss of skills such as speaking, facial paralysis or even limitations in motor skills and memory.
A person may feel inferior because her or his body no longer functions as it once did or because of their dependence on others.
Furthermore, shame can arise from living on benefits or from the loss of who they were in their profession, the professional identity they once held.
This may lead to decreased self-confidence and the feeling of being a burden to others. Self-rejection involves negative thoughts about yourself that put you down and reject you.
What used to be natural and effortless now feels like an impossible task and is no longer possible.
Embarrassment over sudden tears, clumsiness or the feeling of fumbling, spasms, visible changes like a crooked face, paralysis or muscle weakness, as well as slow or slurred speech can have a significant impact on your life.
Moreover, there can also be shame over persistent fatigue, incontinence, impotence, or other consequences of a brain injury that may affect your daily life.
Life's changes may evoke profound shame. No longer being able to cook or make coffee, the inability to provide for the family as a breadwinner, having to use disability aids or the many other consequences of a brain injury.
Almost any effect may become a source of shame. It can be difficult to talk about this.
Admitting that things are sometimes too difficult or overwhelming can also bring shame. Someone who feels this shame often oversteps boundaries and pays the price later.
The consequences of shame
It's important to realize that shame is a natural reaction, but it can also be dangerous if it takes over your life.
It can lead to isolation, depression and even avoidance of desperately needed help.
It can even result in destructive emotions, addictions to soothe the inner pain, a short fuse and aggression or the feeling that you're unworthy of being loved.
Shame and the feeling of being a burden to others are therefore understandable emotions in the early stages of injury.
These feelings don't contribute to building a new life with a brain injury.
By remaining silent, internally condemning yourself, and withdrawing from social contact, you'll ultimately only make things harder. If you can still write, it might be helpful to write down all your feelings and self-criticism. Talk about your feelings with someone you know, trust, and understand.
Participate in support groups where you can share your story with others going through the same thing. It's important to express what you're ashamed of and what's no longer feasible.
When learning to recognize and sense your limits it is important to realize that continuing as you are now is unsustainable in the long run. This may lead to ABI burnout.
Focus on what you can do and set achievable goals for yourself, no matter how small. Practical tools, such as speech therapy or physiotherapy, may also help you regain your self-confidence step by step.
Remember that you are more than your limitations. Your value lies in who you are, not in what you can do.
By accepting help and talking openly about your feelings, you can prevent shame from taking over your life and work towards a new balance.
Realize: asking for help doesn't mean you are giving up, but rather that you are not willing to give up. Setting your boundaries creates space.
It will bring relief, and you may receive more understanding and empathy than you ever imagined.
You can also discuss these feelings with an outpatient counselor, a rehabilitation coach or another professional with expertise in brain injury. Consider a behavioral neurologist or neuropsychiatrist as well.
Should you be ashamed of your disability?
Health is not an achievement. It is important to realize that health is determined by a combination of luck, circumstances, and choices.
No one has complete control over what their body can handle or how healthy they are.
Being healthy is not an achievement, nor is it something to be proud of. This perspective can help us let go of the idea that healthy people are more valuable than others.
An interesting question:
Isn't it true that someone who is ashamed of his or her disability isn't actually the one who should be ashamed, but rather the one who thinks you should be ashamed of it?
The answer is clear: absolutely!
Everyone deserves respect, regardless of limitations or other differences.
No one should feel inferior, especially not because of a disability. If someone makes you feel ashamed of it, it says more about his or het lack of empathy than about you.
We can be proud of who we are, with everything that makes us unique.
The patient association hersenletsel.nl website features a comic strip by Manon that addresses the topic of shame in a realistic and humorous way.
Our volunteer Arnie wrote a blog post about it.
Click on the links below.
https://www.hersenletsel-uitleg.nl/ermee-omgaan/blogs-hersenletsel/prettig-verstoord-brein#O8
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